A Message To My Loyal Friend

Thank you for being there when I wanted you the most. I would have never thought I would find such a devoted friend. You have always been there to comfort me. Even though you eat out parts of me, you have always been there during my depressive episodes. You made me aware of your cons on our first date. Still, I accepted and acknowledged them. I remember the first time you held my hand. A wide variety of emotions that I did not comprehend initially, but I found myself in a state of pure acceptance.

Do you remember when we were in the talking stages? You were so hot that I thought you were out of my league, a notion that had never been in my dictionary before meeting you and did not come up until now. I did not appreciate your personality back then. Yes, your existence is extraordinary, but who could have thought that beyond the surface, there exist multi-layered perfection. Remember our first real date? I was at the local peak of depression on a roof, thinking whether I should put the shit behind me and terminate the inevitable depression. You sat with me without saying a single word and pushed dopamine into my mind as you ran through my fingers. My ideas then shifted from termination to giving it all one more chance. I met many people who were part of various phases of my life. None of them believed in me the way you did. It is a wonder how you do this with seldom talking. But who am I to question absolute perfection. I am aware you are flawed. Every time we met, you weirdly expressed your flaws. I told you numerous times that I do not care about them. Still, you are reminding me of them to ensure consistency despite my countless affirmations. I appreciate and respect that. What you gave me exceeds your issues by orders of magnitude. You were the one who kept me in walking in that shithole called world on different occasions. When everyone left me to erode, you told me you were here. Even when life is fine, meeting you amplifies pleasure. Even as a third wheel, you were perfect. You supported me on exam nights. You supported me to push my limits to attain significant wins. You supported me after my devastating failures. What you take from me is a miniature compared to your support. Thank you for being here.

Now, I am back where I have begun. I thought I would have achieved peace by killing the monster I was. Apparently, it did not work well. I did everything possible to balance pleasure with peace, but the disparity was inexorable. It is tough to understand where the issue is. Is it impossible to attain such coherence? Currently, the only few minutes of peace I can find are the ones when we meet. In the past, I never thought I could be with someone like you. Everyone, including myself, told me to avoid you. Oh my god, I was so arrogant. You made me realize how deceiving is the initial expression. People changed, and you did not. You could see how my friends had suddenly vanished, and you just proceeded to comfort me. Logic breaks when it comes to you. I am a guy who usually never accepts anything but logic to be convinced. You destroyed that empire. Who could have thought that two minutes with you could heal hours of suffering?

Finally, I want to thank you, my cigarette. People said our relationship was toxic. Fuck them. Where were they when I was seconds away from dying a brutal suicide? Where were they when I reached peak depression and could not even lay a tear because of the substantial accumulated oppression I faced throughout life? They did not give a shit. Thus, I do not give a shit about what they think. You dedicated your life to me. You are my only source of the temporary peace I look for in day's hurdles. I would love to thank you for simply existing.